53 Funny Things to Put in a Christmas Card in 2020

Christmas can be stressful and hectic, but overall, it’s the season of good cheer and merriment. In 2020, however, it might be less of a joyous festive season than it usually is – what with having to stay indoors, avoid Christmas parties, and keep socially distanced from our loved ones.

Because of this, it’s even more important than ever to try and spread a bit of Christmas spirit. So, what better way to cheer up your loved ones than by writing them a funny Christmas card? If you’re stuck for ideas, we’ve put together 53 examples of funny things to write in a Christmas card in 2020.

Funny Christmas Card Wording Examples

1. Please note: Christmas has been cancelled this year. When you told Father Christmas you’d been good, he died laughing!

2. Being on the Nice List might get you more presents, but being on the Naughty List is so much more fun. Merry Christmas!

3. Is it just me, or is Father Christmas looking younger and younger every year?

4. Have you ever wondered why Father Christmas is so jolly? He knows where all the bad girls live.

5. As a parent, I now understand why Bing Crosby dreamt of a place “where the treetops glisten and children listen”!

6. Whoever said “all is calm, all is bright” has clearly never been to my house on Christmas morning…

7. This Christmas, remember: you can learn a lot about a person from the way they handle tangled fairy lights.

8. There are three stages to a man’s life: first he believes in Father Christmas, then he doesn’t believe in Father Christmas, and finally, he becomes Father Christmas.

9. This year, I asked Father Christmas for a unicorn. He told me that was ridiculous. So instead, I asked for five minutes’ peace and quiet to pee in peace, and drink my coffee while it’s hot. He asked me what colour unicorn I wanted!

10. Merry Christmas! I hope you like your present. You should, because you gave it to me last year!

11. This year, I’ll make sure I have plenty of Christmas Spirit: vodka, gin, rum, and whiskey!

12. I spoke to Father Christmas – he’s seen your recent Facebook posts. He says he’s giving you a dictionary for Christmas!

13. May your holiday season be as perfect and beautiful as it looks on Instagram.

14. This year, I hope that all of your gifts are exactly what you wanted – and if not, I hope they at least come with the receipts!

15. On Christmas day, I’ll be dashing, dancing, and prancing until I get well and truly blitzened.

16. I’m dreaming of a white Christmas this year. But if that runs out, I’m quite happy to drink the red!

17. I put so much thought into your gift this year, that it’s now too late to buy it. Oops! Merry Christmas anyway!

18. Don we now our Christmas jumpers, fa la la la la, la la la la!

19. This year, I decided to write a personalised message in every card. So erase as applicable: dear friend/family member/colleague/husband, Merry Christmas!

20. Merry Christmas! If you wanted to invite me for Christmas dinner, I’ve got my stretchy trousers ready!
Funny Jokes to Put in Christmas Cards
Here are some classic ‘Christmas cracker jokes’ that will have your friends and family laughing when they open your card.

21. How do you know that the Three Wise Men were really men? Because women wouldn’t have brought gold, frankincense and myrrh. They’d have brought nappies, wine, and ready meals for the week!

22. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis!

23. How does Father Christmas like his pizza? Deep pan, crisp, and even!

24. What do you call Father Christmas when he forgets to bring his map? A Lost Claus!

25. What do you call a child that won’t sit on Father Christmas’s lap? Claustrophobic!

26. What happened when Father Christmas went speed dating? He pulled a cracker!

27. What do you get when you cross Father Christmas with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!

28. Who is Father Christmas married to? Mary Christmas!

29. What do you get if you tie a bell to a skunk? Jingle Smells!

30. What does Miley Cyrus have for her Christmas dinner? Twerky!

31. What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!

32. How will Brexit affect your Christmas dinner? There will be no Brussels!

33. How do snowmen get around? They ride their icicles!

34. Why did Father Christmas quit smoking? Because it was bad for his elf!

35. What is Father Christmas’s dog’s name? Santa Paws!

36. What is every parent’s favourite Christmas carol? Silent Night!

37. Why did the Christmas light take all of her friends along on a date? Because when one Christmas light goes out, they all do!

38. What do you call Father Christmas’s little helpers? Subordinate clauses!

39. What kind of motorbike does Father Christmas ride? A Holly Davidson!

40. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!

Funny Quarantine/Coronavirus Christmas Jokes

This Christmas is likely to be a little different because of the coronavirus pandemic. But the best way to keep Christmas spirits up is by spreading laughter. So why not cheer up your loved ones this year by including a joke about the virus in their Christmas card!

41. In 2020, it’s not just Father Christmas that only visits once per year. It’s everyone!

42. Money is scarce and times are hard, but I still got you a Christmas card! Happy COVID Christmas!

43. You thought that the pandemic would be over by Christmas, didn’t you? But it’s all ended in tiers!

44. It’s even more important that the kids get to bed early this Christmas eve. They’ve got to stay 2 metres away from Father Christmas!

45. All I want for Christmas is some toilet paper and hand sanitizer!

46. What’s the best way to avoid touching your face this Christmas? Have a mince pie in one hand and a glass of wine in the other!

47. This Christmas, there are so many good coronavirus jokes going around – it’s turned into a pundemic!

48. Did you hear the great joke about the coronavirus? Never mind – I don’t want to spread it around!

49. Merry Christmas! I would have phoned you to tell you that, but you won’t be able to understand me through my mask!

50. For Christmas, I bought my husband a map of the world and a dart. I told him to throw the dart and wherever it lands, we’ll go there once the pandemic is over. Well, it looks like we’re going to spend two weeks behind the sofa!

51. I always stay at home in my pyjamas on Christmas Day anyway, but at least this year I have a good excuse!

52. The best thing about COVID-19 at Christmas time is that nobody’s allowed to visit anyone’s homes – so I no longer have to hide from Christmas carollers!

53. On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me: 3 rolls of toilet paper, 2 face masks and a bottle of hand sanitizer!

Funny Christmas Cards to Send Your Friends This Year

Once you’ve decided what to write in your funny Christmas cards, it’s time to choose the cards themselves. Fortunately, here at Christmas Connections we stock a wide range of funny Christmas cards, perfect to put a smile on your loved ones’ faces this year.

All of our cards are fully customisable, so that you can write your own jokes on the inside. Your cards will arrive complete with envelopes, so that all you need to do is address, stamp, and post them. And what’s more, for every card you buy, we’ll donate 10p to a charity of your choice!

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